Ladies and Gentleman, Boys and Girls! Step right up and see design so terrible, so strange, so singularly miserable, that I urge those of you with a weak constitution and a penchant for fainting to avert your gaze and engage in a less thrilling amusement, like the roller coasters further into this park. In part one of this two part series, you were exposed to some of the basest card in Magic the Gathering, as voted upon by the fine folk who glean Gatherer. Today, however, we step beyond the merely horrible, and launch ourselves into The Design of Darkness. For those men and women among you who are manly enough to gaze into the maw of madness, I peel back the curtain to reveal…
Number Five: Bog Hoodlums
Community Rating: .776
Hoju and I are both in the Myriad Games Podcast and participate in the same Magic: the Gathering league. We open a pack a week and add it to our collection, making decks based on what we opened, and reset every season. Hoju likes Lorwyn, and has opened a disproportionate number of Bog Hoodlums, opening one in every other pack. The card makes him furious, and his hatred of it only grows over the years. Whenever someone attempts to convince him there are worse creatures in Magic, Hoju rejoinders with “Sure, that’s a bad card. But at least that card can block.”
It turns out that, although you win Magic by attacking, being unable to stop yourself from losing because you can’t block is very frustrating. The fact that this card pretends to hide it’s terrible power to toughness casting cost ratio behind a fun mechanic only annoys people even more. When you win the clash, instead of getting a 4/1 that can’t block, you get a 5/2 that can’t block. Whoop-de-frickin-doo. That’s like going to a concert, paying twenty bucks for a bottle of water, and getting to play a little side game to win a package of peanuts. You already insulted me. Stop making it worse.
Best comment, made by Demonic_Math_Tutor: I think they just dont know how to do anything but zerg rush with other bogarts…
Number Four: Sorrow’s Path