John-Michael Gariepy

Archive for the category “Fine. This is a category.”

Yer Mummy’s so fat…

After I posted Dungeons and Dragons Random Encounters: Level 21, I left a link on Facebook and Google+ about how awesome Giant Mummies are.  That lead to this comment:

Robert Henderson:  Giant mummys, leading cause of “your momma so fat” jokes in DnD circles…

This, of course, lead to a litany of ‘Yer Mummy’ jokes.  I’d hate to think that someday you would die a sad and lonely life, and you would never get the chance to read a bunch of bad mummy jokes, so I decided to do some editing and turned the obese mummies on you.  Enjoy.

  • John-Michael Gariepy: Yer Mummy’s so fat, Johnson and Johnson took one look at her and sold their business.
  • Robert Henderson: Yer Mummy’s so old, scientists carbon date her at around 7000 B.C.
  • JMG: Yer Mummy’s so fat, there’s an exhibit for her in the Museum of Natural History: Cairo and the Museum of Natural History: Alexandria.
  • RH: Yer Mummy’s so fat that the Great Pyramid were designed to be scale models of her bunions.
  • Ron Charette: Yer Mummy’s so fat, her bandages are made of Lycra.
  • JMG: Yer Mummy’s so old that when Atum wished to mate with Nu in order to create The Earth and The Sky, he asked your mummy’s permission first.
  • RH: Yer Mummy’s so fat she had her internal organs removed to make room for food.
  • RH: Yer Mummy’s so fat, the only way she can fit through doors is to “Walk Like an Egyptian.”
  • RC: Your Mummy’s so stupid, she thought “denial” was a clever way to say “The Nile”.
  • JMG: Yer Mummy only takes one bath a year. It’s called “The Flood Season”.
  • RH: Yer Mummy’s so fat, five thousand slaves died weaving her bandages.
  • JMG: Yer Mummy’s so fat that after she visited to The Great Bath, they renamed it “The Great Trampoline”.
  • RH: Your Mummy’s so dumb, she couldn’t spell “bird” in hieroglyphs.
  • JMG: Yer Mummy’s so ugly, when Napoleon ordered his men to fire on The Sphinx for target practice, they shot off yer mummy’s nose.
  • RH: Your Mummy’s so fat she used to use The Nile River Basin as a Slip and Slide.
  • JMG: Yer Mummy’s so stupid that when she was told her ancestors would someday be Greek, she responded “My ancestors will be a salad dressing?”
  • RC: Your mummy’s so stupid that when Ray told her he was a god, she believed him.
  • JMG: Yer mummy’s so lonely because you never call her. Why don’t you call yer mummy, Ron? All alone in that big pyramid of hers… what kind of eunuch are you?
  • RC: Yer mummy’s a eunuch.
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